The Joys of Parenthood (My Kid Broke My Nose)

I... am... a... mom... of... boys. Really, for anyone who has boys, an explanation of the phrase my-kid-broke-my-nose really isn't necessary, is it?  As opposed to being a mother of girls, which would illicit phrases such as why-does-she-insist-on-wearing-the-pink-tutu-with-the purple-and-green-tights-and-orange-sweater?

This morning I lay in bed with my 1 and 3 year-old boys and watched some Saturday morning PBS, Noggin or Nick Jr. TV program. I don't remember which. My memory lapse could be due to one of two things: either a) the force of the trauma caused me to black out, or b) I was in fact half asleep and using the tv as a babysitter so I could attempt to grab a few more winks. After all, I'm not getting any younger. Personally I think a) sounds much more tragic and romantic, so let's go with that.

So anyway, Hamish, 3, and Dougal, 1 (names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent), were playing on the bed when suddenly young master Hamish flung himself back onto the pillow in that classic, fully committed way that only 3 year-old boys possess.

Unfortunately, my head was on the pillow first. Enter the resounding crack of not-quite-fully-formed skull against full-grown, 30-something year-old cartilage. I screamed like a girl. Because, duh, I am a girl.

Now I have been a mom of boys for more than 3 years- nearly 4, if you count womb time. Add to that the 3 years of pre-baby time spent with my WWF-loving husband, and you get 7 years' experience with head-butting, wrestling, tap outs and the like (Not to mention the time my brother kicked me in the head in a failed attempt to roundhouse kick over my head-he blamed me for not ducking). However, I have N-E-V-E-R experienced quite the same pain as this little "nose job" administered by my first-born.

All right, fine, so childbirth (times two) was more painful. And I did break my big toe once. And my wrist. And my pinkie finger. And I have a very persistent hangnail on one of my toenails.

But come on, did my kid really break my nose? I don't know. As a member of this country's uninsured population, I am not in enough pain to justify going to the doctor just yet. So there's a nagging ache in the middle of my face. So I flinched when my husband tried to kiss me and snagged my nose in the process.

I'll just take another ibuprofen.

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